Wednesday, September 16, 2009

A New Dawn! A Late Breaking, Ground Breaking, Up-to-Date Dawn!

I made a pledge to myself to use this blog as an advocate for beagles and the issues we beagles are currently up against. Then I thought that we've won Westminster, there are multiple movies starring beagles and our supernatural and natural achievements, and there's even a stupid comic about one of us (whom I will not mention as not to encourage the stereotype). That being said, we're not really facing issues. Maybe a little overeating or over-sniffing here and there but that's to be expected. We're dogs! And beagles on top of that! Then I thought I'd use this space as a platform to jump-start my career in gangster, excuse me, gangsta rap. But I think I was a one-hit-wonder. Me trying to rap is like the Olsen twins trying to eat. It's too forced (I apologize for the Full House references - I think that's my second. Although I'm sure some of you out there will appreciate them). So then I thought I'd do like A Day In The Life Of thing but that would get trite. Anyone that knows me knows that a day in my life is like a day in the Truman Show (pre-revelation), despite all the weird things that guy did in the bathroom. However, I do those things on the sidewalk in front of tens of people because I don't give a %&@$($#!! I'm tasting Dove tonight. Whatever. I imagine it's an acquired taste. So what's next for me to do? Retire? Hell no! I'm only 5. Plus I have followers. I can't let them down. Not now. After all seven blogs we've been through. So we're taking it to where the money's at. Pop culture. It worked for that bitch Perez Hilton (I think I actually used that correctly this time Mom). He'll probably comment on this now because he Google's himself four times a day. What's with that? I tried it the other day and searched through 100 pages of results and found nothing about me. Can you believe that?! I almost came to the conclusion that I don't even exist. Then I farted and realized that you have to exist to fart. Or vice-versa? It's the chicken and the egg thing. I'll eat both. Sorry for all the existential questions. Try to keep up though. Where was I? Right! Pop culture. From now on, dial it here for all your update-to-date, last minute, ground breaking, late breaking, by the moment, you heard it here first, pop culture news. First bit of ground breaking news -

Kanye West won the award for best female video at the VMAs.
Patrick Swayze will be starring in the Ghost sequel.
Megan Fox is not as dumb as rocks. No one is as dumb as rocks. It's simply impossible. She is dumb however.

That's it for now. Stay tuned!

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