Monday, October 19, 2009

Guess Who's Back?...It's about time!

By process of elimination, it's ME! Thank you all of my faithful followers for your faithfulness. It's seen me through recent tough times of traveling, socializing, and stomach pumps. I think it was Tolstoy that said in the event that you have masticated rat poison, be sure to take a teaspoon of hydrogen peroxide and throw it up. Unfortunately, I have yet to get into the Russians. I'm still reading Travels With Charley. Then I have to read Marley and Me which I've been told is a hoot! I love Owen Wilson! So I think I've mentioned before on this blog that I'm a bit of a culinary daredevil. Living up to the hype, I ate rat poison two weeks ago. I was in Peoria of all places. A place where such things are expected. Anyway, it was good (the rat poison). Sweet, not to rich, good texture - it was kinda like Fruity Pebbles. I've always preferred the Cocoa ones but I'm not supposed to have chocolate. Going stealth, I followed Dad down into the basement and as ole Toucan Sam says, Follow your nose. True to form, it found the gold. It had turned green though. But I couldn't tell - I'm colorblind. Dad caught me patting the sides of my mouth with a napkin and low and behold there beneath me was an empty dish of rat poison. What? I retorted. He answered with his fingers at the bottom of my esophagus. I can hold my liquor and my rat poison so despite his cute attempts and concern I wasn't bringing that back up for anybody, I thought. We took a trip through Peoria, which if you've ever read Dante's Inferno, is reminiscent of Circle 2. It's not that bad. Mom's crying though. She's upset with Dad for trying to spoil my snack. She gets me. Dad, in his guilt for shoving his fingers down my throat, is giving me one hell of a back scratch. One of the more memorable ones. We come to this place - everyone's wearing a white coat, I'm thinking finally, we're committing Dad. A long time coming. Instead I go for a ride. They inject me with something. I'm thinking, you know I quit this stuff awhile ago back in Oregon, but one more time can't hurt. It was bogus stuff though because all I did was throw everything up. Rat poison and all. I'd been bested! Usually throwing my stuff up is just what I call seconds but this time it wasn't going back down. To make a long story short, I'm unfazed. Still in fighting form. I'm a survivor! I'm a little more weary of Dad, but hell, what else is new? During my recovery I spent some time dominating a couple punk uncles of mine - George and Bailey. Talk about Omegas. These guys would make Benji feel like a Great Dane. Right now, I'm getting back into the habit of blogging. Still waiting for some sponsors...I think the name of that rat poison was Myrtle's or something, if you guys are interested. Works on dogs too! Think about it. I'm looking forward to the royal spoiling I'm about to get from Papa and Nana coming out in a few days. Getting myself ready for that. Sleeping a lot. The celebrity thing tanked. I was at a benefit for Perez Hilton's forehead reduction surgery and met most of them and actually really hit it off with the community. VH1's recruiting me for the next season of The Surreal Life. I'm weighing it. Michael Vick's gonna be on it though. But like I've said, I'm a fightgrrrr......!!!!!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Viva la Revolucion!

I've been constipated lately. Actually maybe not so much constipated as I've realized the power in holding it. I got taken out for an hour walk yesterday. One hour! Because I was supposed to go. This idea that we're supposed to go is a societal convention (and doctor recommended) that I will not adhere to. As was my namesake, we are renegades. We will not be put in a box (or a bag) and we will hold it! And we will get long walks and we won't buckle under the pressure of a leash or a "please potty Bo." We will remain constipated and go when we say it's time. We will not have our heads cut off for our rebellious constipation either! That's what happened right? So beagles out there, spread the word - Constipation is power and power is a plug for constipation and constipation in itself is a plug (I guess) and constipation means long walks and long walks means more potential to find bunny poop to roll in or more butts to sniff or a fallen french fry. Viva la revolucion!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

A Very Special Day!

Faithful followers:

Let's just say it's been awhile. I take some of the blame. I got a new rawhide. It's tough. A good tough though. More like a delicious tough, but tough nonetheless. I've been out of the rawhide scene for awhile so getting back in has been like easing into a peanut butter bath - slow at first and slow later too but euphoric overload in the end. That and you get real thirsty. So I've been peeing alot too. So with eating the rawhide and then drinking water and peeing I haven't had much time to blog. Not to say this is any reflection upon my followers. I just knew ya'll would understand. And if you don't then get a rawhide or take a peanut butter bath and you will. Today though is a very important day. Yes, it is the day that I'm blogging after not blogging for a week but more than that (a little more ;)) is that it's my Mama's birthday. So happy birthday Mama! And in honor of your birthday I will not use any profanity in this blog. That's how much I love you. The Navy really did a number on me. Blog you soon!